Later, when I still study the camera mode, it took a bit of time, he got up and went out, then did not come back, I think I should not have been taking pictures and snubbed him , so i put away the camera then go to the front yard to find him , I saw a lot of foreigner  waiting outside to come dine, thinking there would someone probably know him, i was nervous about this, and then I went to the backyard and find him again, but i can’t find him anywhere, I start panic and do not know his current address of new hotel, then i can’t believe he will leave me alone  like this, I do not believe he would do this to me .

 

I asked the staff to check the address of hotel, she told me she don’t know then ask another, because i was too anxious so didn’t realized i speak English in the beginning, and then i change to speak Japanese, i want to explain more but I cannot say any detail cause our relationship. I urgently to search him, but can’t find anywhere, i can’t help but panic in the restaurant, and still can’t believe he drop me there.

 

It was a strange feeling that I stand in restaurant, and i can feel my lips shaking and falter with no word, i hesitantly to discourse and want to say something, at that moment, i can only stay standing still falter.

  

I opened my eyes and saw my hand clutched at my black pillow, i catch my breath and realised that was a dream, I turned around and look at the ceiling, i close my eyes and try to continue my dreams that because I have never been so clearly remember dreams with him.

 

That kiss in dream is so true, the touch and cuddle make my heart so hurts, how it possible can that feeling so true in dreams, i want to grab those at that moment, but i can’t.

 

I covered my face with both hands, it makes me want to cry, but i cant shed a drop of tears, i rolled on the bed for a while then get up, sitting on my desk and writing whole dreams in first moment, it seems I was very concerned about the end of us, otherwise it won’t appear like this in my dreams.

 

 “I wish i could collect those memories, to put them in a can or space, then i can retrospect whenever i want, if i can, i will pay anything for see him again.”

She closes the diary and walk out the room.....

 

 

        to be continue.....................................

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carlian

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